And I Thought My Social Skills Were Bad: A Word My Own Struggles and a Rant About Others.
A few sad things happened recently which have culminated in me writing this (probably rambling) journal entry, and I feel the need to moan again sadly. Don't get me wrong, for the most part I love this community.
Which neatly leads into why I’m posting this journal: a big problem I see in the giantess community is too many people don’t appear value friendship as much as I do. I was once again made to feel ill when I saw my friend
upset at another bad role play partner. That was – how people say: ‘the last straw’ - that me finally decide I have to write this.
I have been mulling over this conundrum for a while now (years actually): how is it that a fetish that is in large part based on femdom is full of people with little to no respect for the fairer sex? I've seen people in the past lament the supposed prevalence of Autistic people in the macrophile community. How all of those annoying messages giantesses/goddesses get are down to people with disabilities. I personally don’t think we can pin the disrespect of women solely on disabilities.
To elaborate on this, I feel must open up a bit about my own life and struggles, which I don’t normally like to do (as I find it hard to talk about myself). Things may get a bit too personal for my liking but I feel I need to get these thoughts out there. There’s so much I can say so and brevity is not something I’m always good at but I’ll try. To start here’s some things I think need laying out first:
The issues of disrespect are far too frequent to be due to disability alone.
A disability affects each individual in different ways so no two people -even with the exact same disability – are exactly alike.
I have a form of autism (Asperger's).
Let’s address each in turn, starting with number one.
Part One: The issues of disrespect are far too frequent to be due to disability alone
I believe it’s the anonymity that the WWW provides that is far more of a catalyst for improper / impolite behavior than disability. I do not believe there is are a disproportionately high amount of disabled macrophiles (autistic) compared with the general population. Can we please not excuse people’s bad behaviour by asserting they have some kind of a disability – which is something that I’ve seen done a few times. That would be great thank you!
I find the attitudes of many in this community disgusting and I don’t try to hide that. It makes me ashamed to call myself a macrophile. Over the years, I have come across a few people complain about the women in our community (such how they refuse to “role play”) without really acknowledging their own faults and that’s the incredibly horny person that is usually the problem.
There are loads of people with disabilities who have perfect manners and people without a disability who behave like some kind of demon incarnate. They believe that they can get away with it, that their behaviour ultimately has no consequences because they are hidden behind a screen. It’s no wonder there are so many giantesses who say they are bisexual and lean towards women or who only want to interact with other women. And I can hardly blame them. There are far too many cretins around.
Part Two: A disability affects each individual in different ways
I will admit without hesitation there are people who have used their disability as a shield to hide behind so that they can be mean to people instead of properly apologising. In fact, I knew such a guy. Though clearly, as I just mentioned no two people with a disability are the same. As such, I believe that people with a disability fall into one of three broad camps:
There are those who cannot realistically be expected to control their own behaviour (e.g. Tourette syndrome
) and are often conscious of the fact that they are behaving in abnormal fashion.
Then there are those who don’t realize what they are doing is wrong but will happily acknowledge their error when informed of it and sincerely apologise.
Finally, there are those who are mean-spirited (not necessarily due to a disability) but believes disability gives them a right to be as rude as they desire. In other words, they use disability as an excuse to be nasty to people and they insist on using their disability as a means to try to deflect legitimate criticism(s) of their behavior.
If I ever fall into any of the categories, it’s number two. I do have control over my own (non-subconscious) actions but sometimes I need a gentle reminder. I am very grateful when people do point things out to me. I don’t like having negative attention. I always strive to be as positive and as a non-confrontational as possible as I hate getting into fights with people. In particular, I can't cope with being around negative people because the negativity then usually infects me.
I really appreciate people who take the time to understand me. One of the many reasons why I think
is so amazing is because she always positive, gives out good advice: so I always listen intently to what she has to say. Those are sorts of people I like to have around as I struggle with negative people. (Plus, I love to stroke her ego so I have to tell everyone about how amazing she is). And if you're lovely like Lucy I reward that with extreme loyalty I think.
Here’s what I have trouble understanding: how is it that somebody like me – who actually has some difficulty in social situations – has had very little trouble in making (female) friends in the community? Why do others seem find it so difficult? What is wrong with them?
Do I have some kind of supernatural power? Have I just been lucky? Did I pay these women?
Part Three: my own struggles
None of the above happened. The secret – if you can call it that – is I just try my very best to be friendly and outgoing. I try really, really, really hard to fit in, not to cause trouble and to be accepted. Some days are easier for me than others for me so my motivation to do things fluctuates a lot. Thankfully, I've met a selection of lovely people who are there for support if I need them.
It’s always fun to me to get to know people because everyone (most people?) has their lovely little quirks and I love that. I’ve grown deeply attached to a few people in particular, and I cherish these friendships! And I think that’s the problem with a lot of people: they struggle to see anyone they want to role play with as a person they should get to know and friend they should value.
I try hard simply to be “average” so it is insulting to me when people try to pin the ills of the community on disability. There’s people who don’t even try to be reasonable and don’t have the same struggles that I face. It makes me so angry.
By the way, I don’t want to be “normal” (that is technically impossible): I just want to be somebody who is gets the same things out of life that most other people enjoy and take for granted. I don’t ask for much from life, just to be able to do things that other people do. I don’t expect be to a stand-out individual. Sadly, even what little I do ask from life can be a real struggle to attain.
This may come as a surprise, but – believe it or not: I attend a group specifically to work on my social skills. Due to this, I believe I have become better than I was a few years ago. Now, if I – with all of my flaws – can treat people with the respect they deserve then it’s not a stretch to say the majority of the lame “hey u wanna gts rp?” crowd can do so too. All it takes is a little willpower.
I was never as bad as “hey u wanna rp?”. I have always known better than that. Even though I have my flaws I have always known such behaviour is wrong, despite having my diagnosis. So the problem with this community is not people with autism, if you hadn’t worked it out already from my journal entry. I remember speaking to one lady who once lamented that somebody she was just about to role play with asked her whether she shaved the area between her legs, which was totally unnecessary.
I try my very best to act as people expect me to, even if it can be a struggle at times. In fact, it’s probably because of my own “impairments” that I do grow deeply attached to these people and I am very loyal to them. Not mention, if you have a gigantic foot hovering over your head, you tend to be become very agreeable.